My first STD was from a foam party
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
