Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
