Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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