remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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