Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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