Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
