im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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