Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
