Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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