What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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