Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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