i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
