In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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