i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My pussy is not your playground.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
