She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
