she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
