At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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