are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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