here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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