I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
well you can't waste a boner
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
