I swear she didn't look like that last week.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my shit smells like andre
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
