sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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