You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Farmville is her only friend.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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