whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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