Your mouth is God's brothel.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
