Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
