It was confusing and full of hummus
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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