I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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