god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
