It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
