You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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