Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize