I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
