Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
