i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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