I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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