Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
