When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
