He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
