She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
don't judge my taste in strippers
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
