he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
