i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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