I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
