my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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