hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
