you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
