That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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