We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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