im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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