hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
