I cockslap morals
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
