Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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