...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
