you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
