When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
