I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
