I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
