i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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