Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize