so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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