Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
