It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
