My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
