im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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