hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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