I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
