If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize