Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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