Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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