In the future we'll all be gay
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
