im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
