made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
