They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
