FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
