Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
